guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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