My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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