i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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