I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
