So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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