I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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