whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
