I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
