Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
