Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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