apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
