"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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