why didn't you poke me back
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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