he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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