im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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