just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
