Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm at about main and main street
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
