so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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