So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
