Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
