I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize