when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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