just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
