I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
