My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
