Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize