We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
pray to the hookup gods
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize