take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
