mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
