That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
