Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
