i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
