So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
