I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
