there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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