So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize