..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
