I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
