He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Someone came in the potted fern
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
