You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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