we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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