I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize