there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize