i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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