I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
