I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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