I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
