Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
