there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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