hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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