he told me I talked like a deaf person
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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