Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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