Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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