New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
