Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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