The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I have tasted many bathrooms
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize