omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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