he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
