she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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