If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
