i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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