There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
