We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
