we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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