he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
