so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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