I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
